the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
