he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
