I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
