I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
