i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
