is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you had me at cake vodka
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
