What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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