I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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