I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
