That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
