I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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