Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
