Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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