i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
