Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize