I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
