I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
