I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
