On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
