I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
