so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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