The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
