she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
