so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
