Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found your dick twin last night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
