Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
