I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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