She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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