i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
