you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
