i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
