Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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