a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
