and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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