you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
