Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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