Will you blow on my dice?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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