every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
