He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
