I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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