i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
