Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
