why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
