I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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