Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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