your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
