He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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