bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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