Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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