I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize