Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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