Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
