Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
