In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
