Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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