you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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