Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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