im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
