I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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