eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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