$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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