Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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