I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
