I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
